It snowed last night.
It snowed a LOT last night.
Like 8 inches, but since it's windy and the white stuff is drifting, the snow is up in the feet in some areas.
hehe
I am like a small child again, giggling and the snowfall, wishing it was on a Monday so I didn't have to go to school. The only difference now is that I work at the school, and I have to worry about getting my car out into the world.
Other than that, same exact feeling.
I want to bundle up and go make snow angels, construct snowmen, and start a snowball fight. Anything involving this wonderful, powdery, heavenly snow!
The man on the news just said something about Washington D.C. being caught in a "Winter Wonderland" then he admitted that yes, when it snows we all resort to corny cliches. "We can't help it," he says.
So true. Everything that is common and over-stated about snow comes to mind and spills out of out our mouths unbidden. We're helpless against the torrent of cliches and similes. It's like a sickness, but one we're all to willing to let ourselves suffer from.
What can I say? Snow makes me poetic. Something about it reminds me why I love words. It forces my vocabulary to burst forth with vim and vigor, fastidiously forming together to create more descriptive and full sentences to convey the feelings welling up inside of my soul.
See what I mean?
Giddy as a schoolgirl.
I feel wasted.
Not under the influence kind of wasted, the pitiful misuse kind.
I feel wasted and I feel that I've wasted so much time. I'm not even sure how I wasted all this time, I just know I did. It's driving me insane, knowing that I can't go back and redo some things. And that's maddening because I don't have regrets. I don't usually let myself have those. Regrets are not something I want in my life.
So here I am sitting here thinking about what on earth I can do now to make up for lost time.
This is what's annoying about growing up.
I feel as though I am running out of time.
I'm 22 years old already. Time flew by so fast.
I'm 22 going on 60.
Life is so short, and too much of mine has been... boring.
As stupid as that sounds, it's true.
I need to find a way to rectify this.
I'm not happy with the way this blog posted the poem. Not one bit...
Posted by
Rebekah
8:38 PM
A stranger has come
To share my room in the house not right in the head,
A girl mad as birds
Bolting the door of the night with her arm her plume.
Strait in the mazed bed
She deludes the heaven-proof house with entering clouds
Yet she deludes with walking the nightmarish room
At large as the dead,
Or rides the imagined oceans of the male wards.
She has come possessed
Who admits the delusive light through the bouncing wall,
Possessed by the skies
She sleeps in the narrow trough yet she walks the dust
Yet raves at her will
On the madhouse boards worn thin by my walking tears.
And taken by light in her arms at long and dear last
I may without fail
Suffer the first vision that set fire to the stars.
"Love in the Asylum"
Dylan Thomas
Started a new semester today. I'm actually excited. For once, with my schooling, I know what I'm doing. I have a set goal and the desire to complete it. Get out of community college with an Associate's Degree by next fall. That's my goal. And I need to complete it. If I don't, then that's it! I'm done. I'll move to Mongolia and join the Nomads.
I'm taking a full class load too. Sociology, Nutrition, Behavior Management, and Sign Language.
Sign Language is the intimidating one for me. It's a total immersion class, which I have taken before. However, my teacher is deaf. And we're not allowed to talk in class. It will be very interesting next class. She had an interpreter tonight, but never again.
However, I just realized that Frank Warren is coming to my school on September 10!! I thought it was August 10. But I can still see him!! I'll be missing a class, but I'll just be sure to tell my teacher tomorrow night that I'm planning on seeing him when he comes. Hopefully he/she will understand. Because, it's Frank Warren!! YaY PostSecret!!!
And on Friday, I'll be poking a hole into my nose. Yes, I'm finally getting my nose pierced. Maybe I'll put up a pic. Maybe not. We'll see. I'm also a tad nervous/mostly excited about that.
You know, back in Biblical Times, Rebekah was given a nose ring as an engagement present. It's so true.
Genesis 24: 22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels.
Btw, how funny is it that Rebekah's nose ring weighed a beka. However much that is. Hope it wasn't too heavy for the poor girl.
These are things I think of. Whether or not my namesake's nose ring was too heavy for her over 2000 years ago.
Yes.
My wonderful loverly computer has died. Well in a sense. The hard drive is... sick. So the Apple store is giving me a new one, sans all that... pesky information I have so meticulously stored on it. And of course, me being the epic tech head that I am, I have precious little saved elsewhere so... I'm losing a lot. Including the story I was writing. *dies* Drives me NUTS.
So that is why I have nothing going on interwebs wise.
So the parentals are making a trip down to Pennslyvania to see family. I want to go, it's been a while since I've seen them, but I don't want to go on the day they are leaving.
I want to go to church, and be with my friends. So...
The question is, can I manage a train ride down all by myself?
I really think it will be fun, but...
I'd have to be at Penn Station by 10:40AM. Meaning I'll have to get on the train to Grand Central at 7:15AM. And it will all cost me roughly 90 bucks.
So... to train, or not to train?
That is the question...
My life has been the opposite of exciting lately and I seriously think I will be planning my homicidal romp in the near future, purely out of boredom.
Today I considered, actually considered calling up a friend to sit in for a game of Dungeons and Dragons. RPGs and me should never speak again, so that idea was shot down by what little reason I still have within me. I have been writing a little fan fiction, even. Just a dabble fic to attempt to satisfy my raging imagination. I say attempt, because it's really not cutting it.
Also just found out that a really brilliant fiction I've been reading has been pulled from fictionpress.com due to fear of plagerism (or however the hell you spell that). So that sucks, but maybe soon in the future, I can read the actual book, as it seems the author intends to publish.
Another thing, this collegehumor stuff has got to stop. I cannot seem to go an entire day without checking their site for another video. I have watched every single episode of Jake and Amir, Hardly Working, and Bleep Bloop and I can actually feel my brain turning into gelatin. Don't get me wrong, they're amazing, but my poor books are gathering dust, and I'm becoming paler, which will make me glow in the dark soon.
So that book I mentioned. AMAZING.
The Mortal Instruments series. Read it!! I devoured all three 400 page books last week. The only problem is that there are no more! Cassandra Clare writes brilliantly and had me laughing and crying and enjoying every last word.
City of Bones
City of Ashes
City of Glass
Read them. Like now.
I know, I griped about them, but it was premature. I'm really very happy with the trilogy, and genuinely sad that it's over.
...satisfaction.
So since Stephanie is all done with her Twilight books, and I have a complete inability to read a book more than once, I have been searching for a book series to fill the void. So I found one, a nice supernatural base and great writing. The characters are colorful and the banter is amusing and witty. The two main characters were falling in love quite nicely and then the worst thing happened. They find out that they're brother and sister!! WTF??? I literally yelled at the pages. That was so aggravating.
However, I like the series and I'm always one for an interesting twist, so I bought the other two books. So far I'm not disappointed, they are interesting and well-written.
I'm just in need of a romantic interlude. Desperately.
So there's this prayer workshop that I forgot about was going on. I can still go to some of it, if I'm not lazy. It's at 9:30 this morning. Less than 8 hours away. And then I'd have the rest of the day to work on some school work, like the epic paper I have due on Wednesday.
Do I need a prayer workshop? I know I need You, but will this help? Or should I just sleep.
My life is the same every day.
Boring routine is eating into my brain. I can't contain my disdain at the hum-drum of it all. It's driving what's left of my sanity away.
It's too the point that when I step into the shower, I'm instantly bored and wish I'd just left my brain in my dreams. They're far more interesting.
Like the one I had the other night. I can't remember all that happened, but it watched like a really good movie. The type with action and adventure and romance and comedy. The best kind.
When you'd rather stay asleep than face your life, it's time to do some reassessing.
I'm lonely on top of it all.
Bored and lonely, and the bottle of whiskey downstairs is looking mightily tempting.
Good thing I'm scared to death of becoming an alcoholic. Otherwise the bottle would be half empty by now. But maybe not. Maybe I'm just saying that because it seems like a normal thing to resort to. "damn, life sucks, better drink" Right? That's the normal procession of things in America, isn't it? If all else fails, turn to booze or drugs or sex. It will make it better for a while so you can get some sleep.
There should be a remote for life.
Pause
Fast Forward
Rewind
Skip Scene
Why should I feel discouraged
Why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me
I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches
I know He watches
I know He watches me
I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
He watches me
I know
He watches
Me
(no clue who wrote this beautiful song)
So I got a Twitter account.
It's really just like a whole website of Facebook stats.
Like texting for the internet.
Makes no sense to me, but like the title of this post says....
In other news...
There is a certain friend of mine how happens to be spending the semester in Spain. And I really miss her terribly. So if anyone would like to donate 1500 dollars so I can go and visit her, that'd be truly lovely.
Also, this friend who is in Spain, should update her blogger account more.
Spring Break sure took its sweet time getting to me. Finally, though it has arrived!
I'm very happy with this. The only thing that would make it better, is if spring break for work was the same week, but no, it's the next week. Very not cool. I can't go anywhere! No real college Spring Break for me. No Mai Tai's on the beach while Carson Daly (wow, I just dated myself, and that is sad.) or whoever yelling over the drone of drunk frat boys about how bitchin' the babes are.
Tomorrow, I have to beg a teacher to let me drop a class. I can't stand the class and am so ready to drop it and him off a cliff. Okay, maybe that's a tad... extreme.
Teachers like him drive me nuts, though. My first Psych prof was like that. He flunked me when I asked for a withdrawl. Probably to prove a point. He was like that.
I am aware that I can't just drop classes every time I don't get along with a prof, but if you had to sit through this guy's lecture and take his tests, you'd drop it too.
Haven't used this in a while, and I don't really have time to use it now. Have to be bright eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow about 8.
My existential question currently is, what will happen to me, once I don't have any more college classes to take. When I get all the way to the top, the creme de la creme, the doctorate, what then?
Will I get all I've wanted? The man, the kids, the house, the dog, the private practice?
My Jiminy Cricket is telling me that now is not the time to think on this. He says now is the time for working, not worrying. But, that this second is the time for sleeping, and not blogging.
And gosh-darnnit! I'm going to listen to him.
So I am getting a hedgehog!!
This little sweetheart will soon be coming home with me. They nicknamed her Miracle, since she wasn't really supposed to be born. She was in utero for nearly twice as long as normal.
I am so excited to go pick her up next week.
So I had sent an email to a breeder upstate, and nothing. been almost 2 weeks and no reply. So I gave up on them. Today I sent an email to a breeder in Mass, and this evening, I get home and there's a reply. YaY!!
Turns out, that they're going to be taking deposits on babies tomorrow. So I could maybe get one! I'm excited. I've already picked one out from the pics they have. If I get one, I'll post some pics up. I'm hopeful!!
Posted by
Rebekah
10:47 AM
Not even Spring break yet and already I'm ready to be done.
There's just something about Spring semester that makes me be so absent minded when it comes to school. I just can't focus on it; don't have time for it.
Just can't even stand it.
Is there something wrong with me or do many folks have this ailment? My stress levels are through the roof as well. Don't even know why but it's starting to have physical effects.
What the fuck...
Argh, just want to be on with my life and out of school with a PsyD and in my own practice with a husband, a kid and a dog.
Where's the easy button for that??
That's what I wanna know Staples and NOW.
...dammit.
"I do not exist," we faithfully insist,
Sailing in our separate ships and from each tiny caravel.
Tiring of trying, there's a unnecessary dying,
Like the horseshoe crab in its proper season sheds its shell.
Such distance from our friends,
Like a scratch across the lens,
Made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood.
And our paper blew away before we'd left the bay.
So half-blind, we wrote these songs on sheets of salty wood.
Caught me making eyes at the other boatman's wives,
And heard me laughing louder at the jokes told by their daughters.
I'd set my course for land, but you well understand,
It takes a steady hand to navigate adulterous waters.
The propeller's spinning blades held acquaintance with the waves,
As there's mistakes I've made no rowing could outrun.
The cloth low on the mast, I say I got no past,
I'm nonetheless the librarian and secretary's son.
The tarnish on my brass, the mildew on my glass-
I'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me.
But a few leagues off the shore, I bit a flashing lure,
And I assure you, it was not what I expected it to be!
I still tastes its kiss, that dull hook in my lip
Is a memory as useless as a rod without a reel.
To an anchor ever dropped, sea-sick yet still docked,
Captain spotted napping with his first mate at the wheel.
Floating forgetfully along, with no need to be strong,
We keep our confessions long, but when we pray we keep it short.
I drank a thimble full of fire,
I'm not ever coming back...
Oh, my God.
"I do not exist," we faithfully insist,
While watching sink the heavy ship with everything we knew.
And if ever you come near, I'll hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you!
~mewithoutyou
This song is so amazing.
I want a hedgehog.
I am looking into owning one of these adorable things. A black one like this would be nice, but I'd be happy with any color.
I've been in the need for a fur-person since we had to put my old girl Missy down. Now she's in a small tin box, and I'm lonely for an animal companion. And Sulphur, the beta fish, is just not very affectionate.
Now, hedgies are not very fluffy, I'm aware. But they're not painfully prickly. Their spines are the same stuff as fingernails and they're rather kinda blunt at the end. And they're hysterical to watch. Plus they're an unusual pet. Which is spiffy. They're also less maintenance than bunnies.
So if I can't have a puppy, I'll get a hedgehog.
I have decided.
Posted by
Rebekah
7:44 PM
"Translation is like a woman. If it is beautiful, it is not faithful. If it is faithful, is it most certainly not beautiful"
-Yevgeny Yevtushenko
The show 'Lost' hates me.
And I hate it right back.
Here I am, another Wednesday night, should be doing homework, and yet, here I am, glued to the television, watching another mind-bending episode of confusion.
This is a truly abusive relationship. I sat committed, and yet here it is, yanking me around, slamming me into walls and bringing me more questions than answers and just an overall sense of being... Lost.
It was intriguing at first. I enjoyed myself. The confusion was nice and enjoyed. And yet, Lost saw no need to experience a little give, with all its take. And now, I have this annoyance with the show.
Felt the need to keep this blog going, and currently, this is all that's on my mind.
People can be so annoying sometimes.
Especially when it comes to politics. Everyone has an opinion. Which is great. But it's when the "enlightened" folks start hating someone for their differing opinion, that's where I take issue.
Example.
This Rush fella, while back he mentioned that he didn't like what our new Pres was planning and that he did not want those plans to succeed.
And then some folks on the other side of the aisle shit a brick wall over the fact that the super right-wing conservative guy who's widely known for his right-wing views, doesn't want what he sees to be policies that are bad for this country to come to fruition.
Really folks???
Weren't all these same people saying worse things about our last president??
Aren't they still?
And not to mention the fact that being conservative is practically like being a leper to them.
Come on!!! The hateful words are being slung from BOTH sides, ya'll!!
So far, EVERYONE I've listened to is guilty of Limbaugh-ing.
Yes, I said EVERYONE.
Whether or not you agree with the Pres, he is still the President of our country. Regardless of his politics, he is still our Commander in Chief. And therefore, I will treat him as such. Just like I treated the last guy, and like I will treat the next one.
What pisses me off, is when we demand our opinion to be heard, yet hate the person who disagrees with it.
Yeah... how is that "tolerant"??
Let Chuck be Chuck over in Chuckland. You don't need to go over to Chuckland and yell at Chuck for being Chuck.
rantrantrant...
Josh's sermon tonight was about Love and what it really is.
And while I was sitting there listening to him talking, and the points he was bringing up, some I was totally agreeing with, and some, maybe not so much, I started thinking about the way that I love.
My mom always says that I'm the really sensitive one. And it's true, I'm really sensitive, inside and out. I feel so much emotion sometimes that it's too much, and I have to push it away, and that's when I feel numb. My emotions take up a lot of my life, and that's why, I think, I get depressed so much, because when I'm sad, it's so strong that it's hard to move sometimes.
And my love, sometimes can take over. My love-related emotions within me often boil over and it hurts sometimes. Just thinking about how much I care for someone can bring me to tears sometimes.
This all sounds kinda... odd.
This is how I feel.
My... spirit and its emotions...
I don't know, but sometimes, I don't feel connected to my body because of this. And I need to do something to bring me back to earth, back to my body. So I pinch myself or I hug someone, or something similar.
Oh... ramble ramble ramble...
"Pull me in, don't let me drown.
This will not be easy, you'll have to hold me down.
Tie me up, don't let me run
Because another day without you is another lifeless one."
~'Wake' by Brightwood
I heard this band tonight, and this line slapped me across the face. Especially the "This will not be easy, you'll have to hold me down" part.
How many times has God had to basically hold me down to get the medicine down my throat. How many times has He endured my struggling and flailing, and waited out my tantrums.
How many more times will He have to?
Maybe that's just what he's doing now.
Maybe He's holding me down and waiting for me to stop kicking and screaming so that He can administer my treatment.
So maybe I'm not stuck here after all, I'm just... not ready.
But I feel SO ready.
I have for some time now, well.... maybe ready.
Like if He shoved me out there, I'm pretty sure I could keep afloat.
But maybe I'm totally wrong, and if He put me out there, I'd be the next Titanic.
Maiden voyage, and I'd end up at the bottom of the ocean, just a home for crabs.
I need to hear from Him.
You hear me?
I need to hear from you. Like now would be good for me.
Maybe I'm not even ready for Him to speak to me...
Maybe I need to shut up.
This is a brand-spanking-new blog.
Maybe it's symbolizing a new chapter in my life.
Maybe it's just a new blog.
Either way, here it is.
